When I started writing my blog, I thought that it should have a focus. That’s ironic because I have trouble focusing on one thing. I am in the process of trying to write a short story and I keep changing my perspective and then the topic. 

I had a little over an hour to myself today (which rarely happens). My oldest daughter was at work and my youngest had Italian class, so I decided that I would use my time to brainstorm. My anxiety ensures that I have a hundred ideas running through my head at any given time. One of the many is my very recent breakup. I’m supposed to be keeping my mind of it, and especially off of him. 

I downloaded a breakup app that promises that in 30 days, I will be in a better place than I am now. It has been 3 days since I downloaded the app. At first I was skeptical, but honestly, it has been helping. I got a new tattoo that I am in love with, I got my nails done, I got my eyelashes done and I actually put on lipstick today. Baby steps. 

I have been trying to take motivational sayings to heart and I have been listening to music that will dull the pain and remind me that things will get better. My favourites right now are, ‘Don’t Hold Your Breath’ and ‘In a Cafe’. I went to see I, Tonya and on my drive home, of course my mind wandered to what could have been. Did I make a mistake? Should I try one more time to contact him? Fuck no. I tried. It’s over. My brain gets it. My heart just needs to fucking listen. 

Along came ‘Over You’ by Chris Daughtry. He didn’t win when he competed on American Idol in 2006, but his songs have been on my playlists since then. The lyrics to the song inspired this post. I should have listened sooner. 

Now that it’s all said and done,
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house. 

 

What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me. 

 

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you. 

 

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me. 

 

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you. 

 

The day I get over him completely is not here yet, but I feel it getting closer. 

 

My app says I have 27 days left. 

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