Day 22: Fifty Shades of What in the Actual Fuck, Satan?
I am on Day 22 of my 30 day heartbreak cure. I can honestly say, I’m getting better. I lived without him just fine before I met him, and I am definitely fine now. I did the right thing. I am positive. He was not my person. If he really loved me, I would have felt it and I would have kept giving him all the love he wanted. I am very good at giving love. I love being in love, I love being loved and I love being with the person that I love. Love isn’t always enough to make a relationship work, and that is finally okay.
One of the things that has helped me move forward faster is my relationship with my friends. I went to see Fifty Shades Darker tonight. It has been a tradition with a couple of my girlfriends to see the movies in this series. The movies are terrible, the sex scenes are ridiculous, but we go anyway. One of my favourite lines from this cinematic fluff was:
Christian: I was looking for you. (opens the refrigerator)
Anastasia was sitting on he kitchen table eating ice cream suggestively.
Was Christian thinking he would find his wife in the refrigerator? Is that why he opened it before looking for her? This lead to, of course, the couple having simulated sex after rubbing cold ice cream on each other’s bodies. Ummmmm….ok?
But the three of us laughed our asses off. I will give it to the author. She got people interested in reading again and I think that is always a good thing.
On the topic of love, Valentine’s Day came and went. My manager gave her team a beautiful bouquet of flowers and I’m pretty sure I will always have a Valentine in the homeless man I bought a coffee and Tim Horton’s gift card for. I was both dreading and hoping that I would hear from the ex. I didn’t…and I’m thankful. I don’t want to set myself back 22 days.
I wasn’t alone on Valentine’s Day. I dropped my oldest daughter and her boyfriend off at a local restaurant for dinner. I went on a mommy-daughter date with my youngest and went to my writing class.
I have had the pleasure of spending my last 8 Wednesdays with a group of wonderful writers. I have seen the course offered so many times, but it always conflicted with one of the girl’s activities. This time, we all agreed that we would make the scheduling work. I am so glad it did. I hadn’t written anything for years. Now, I make it a point to write at least once a day. It has been cathartic and painful and fun and hard and worth every minute.
During class, I get a text message from someone I dated almost 3 years ago. He never truly went away. We have always checked in with each other. We have both dated other people, but we love each other. I don’t know if we are still in love, but I think he’s the one person that I will love until the day I die.
We are both single at the moment. However, I have promised myself that I would give myself some time. He wants to have dinner. I’m conflicted. We broke up. We had our reasons. So…………