Why am I covered in dicks?


I am in the process of eating healthier, working out more, lowering my carb intake, blah, blah, blah, blah…

I have vowed to not buy too many new clothing options until I am where I want to be physically. I’m not there yet, but I’m slowly getting there. I mention this fact because I am fitting into some of the clothes I had not been able to wear for a while. I have been working in an office environment for the last year and a half and I had to get used to not moving around so much. The result was some weight gain. Meh. It happens.

I’ve cried about it, whined about it, put myself down about it, but only I can do something about it.

7 years ago, I was a running instructor running almost everyday. 5km runs were no problem. I even ran a 10 Miler. That’s 16km for us Canadians. 👍 My first 5k is April 29th. I’m getting ready!

To reward myself for being able to fit into more clothes, and remind myself of where I was, am, and could be, I decided to buy myself another piece of clothing. My ability to rationalize my own irrationalities is one of my talents.

Why not shop for clothes at the same time I shop for groceries? A couple of retailers have made this possible. I don’t question, I just buy. So, I bought a black and blue top. I love that colour combination.

I don’t try shit on in stores. I don’t have time for that plus I hate being hot and if I’m changing out of my clothes and my winter jacket, I get hot and that just makes me anxious. In addition, I usually have an impatient kid in tow who has no concept of the hours I have spent at piano lessons, swimming lessons, rugby practices, gymnastics classes, etc. So the 6 minutes it would take me to change into an outfit, decide whether or not I like it and change back into my original outfit, is understandably unbearable for one or both. So I bring my purchases home and I try shit on in the privacy of my own home.

This particular purchase, I knew would fit. I am familiar with the brand and the sizing. No problem.

When I woke up this morning, I knew that all I’d have to do is rip the tags off and away I could go. I wanted to take the early train into the city because I have to leave early to go to the doctor for the check up I mentioned in my last post. I really didn’t look too closely at the shirt, it has blue flowers on a blue background. It covers my lack of abs and it flows. Check, check and check.

One of my co-workers said that one of the flowers looked like a penis. When I looked down, I could kind of see it, but both of us have filthy minds, and lots of things look like penises to us so I didn’t think too much of it until I saw myself in the bathroom mirror.

I was covered in dicks.

Thankfully I had a cardigan at my desk I could wear over the dicks.

Thanks, Joe Fresh.