I ended a whirlwind of a relationship last Friday. Was it really a relationship? Earlier in the week we were meeting each other’s children and going to church together. A few days later, it was over, just as quickly as it had begun.
No real reason that made any sense. Something about him being confused, an online profile ‘accidentally’ reactived. It seems like it all added up to him choosing someone else, or at least trying to decide which one he liked better. So, I made the decision easy for him. My reply, was ‘No worries. Good luck. Goodbye’. Then I proceeded to block him from every form of communication possible.
Not being with him anymore, is not the takeaway from this experience. We had been on only a few dates, but the disappointment is real. He sold me the dream of a future together and I fell for it hook, line and sinker, as the saying goes.
So I learned my lesson. He taught me not to rush (a lesson I had clearly forgotten when I got caught up in the excitement of it all).
Because my dating history hasn’t been fantastic, my family loves to judge my choices. They think it helps, but it really fucking doesn’t. No one judges me more harshly than I judge myself so sometimes, a little support, instead of an ‘I told you so’ would be much appreciated.
It would also be nice if there was a clear formula for relationships and dating:
Date 1: Meet, decide if you like each other enough to see each other again
Date 2: Have a good time, keep liking each other, decide to see each other again (or not)
Date 3: Have sex (or not)
Some may find this decision controversial, but in order for someone to reach date 3 with me, I must have considered this possibility. Additionally, I’d like to see what I’m working with. Even if it isn’t mindblowing (it wasn’t) the first time, I can get a sense of whether or not I would like to try it again.
Date 4: Make or break. This is the date that helps me decide if this is someone I would like to continue seeing. If so, perhaps trying the sleeping together thing again.
After four dates, there should be a clear leaning in one direction or another.
On date four with this guy, I feel like something was off. I made him dinner, he drank the wine I bought for him, we went shopping for a bicycle so we could ride together. The next morning, his dating profile was active.
So, I began my 60 day detox. No men for 60 days. I tried to give up carbs at the same time, but carbs love me without asking for anything in return.
For three days, I have been conscious of my eating habits, I have made healthier choices and I have slept well.
His absence didn’t make me cry. I haven’t given a man that type of power over me in years. Nothing should really surprise me about dating anymore. I have weird and sad stories, but never horror stories, but this one baffled me.
My sister loves to point out the red flags that I have should have felt and seen flapping all around me, but I never expected anyone who thought I was special enough to introduce to his children and went to church, would ever turn out to be just another guy.
I will never be able to tell him so because what good would it do? He didn’t care enough to be honest, so he didn’t care about hurting me. Anything I say/said would/ would have come across as bitchy or stalker-like. I don’t want to be a bitch because I don’t want him to paint a distorted picture of me. I also blocked him from being able to commuincate with me. The message to him should be clear. He is also not worth stalking.
When I wrote this, I was on day three with 57 more to go.
I may be alone, but I returned the bike, I threw away the glass he drank from and turned the roses he gave me into compost. The man is washed right out of not only my hair, but of my life.
I’m now on day 10.
You deserve better. You are amazing. Keep living. Keep writing.